Lof story. Part2

Can you be afraid of love? No. Although you can be afraid of being hurt, especially that all you ever knew from guys was hurt. If no one ever loved you, if no one ever cared for you if you don’t know how it feels, if you learned that you are alone and just alone.

If you already gave up , thinking it has no sense. If you already lost your hope?

You have never been anyone’s, you have never feel safe, protected, good. Never.

And all you have is you, your own world closed so tightly that you yourself, forgot how to open it. There, you are secure, because there is no one else. No one can hurt you there, because you don’t let anyone in. This is your security.

If your heart is telling you : love, let go, don’t be afraid you get confused. You think you are not able to stand another one making a use of you, playing with you. That you’d rather be alone.

You freak out. To see that someone is trying get into your world, destroy that thick wall you have build around yourself, you freak out. You want to run, run, run to save your own self. You feel trapped. You don´t want to loose your space, your privacy, your little world.The fear is big. It is huge.

One moment.

What the hell is wrong with you girl?

He knows it; he looks in your eyes and sees fear. Like you were a little girl asking: please, don’t hurt me, I cannot stand it any more.

When he asks you why you don’t want to brake the wall, you brake. You cry, but you convince yourself to trust. It is just enough to look in his eyes, and you know. He is not like all. He is different. You know that he has been hurt too. You brake. You open your heart for him. But you only realize when you almost loose him. You realize that he is amazing, that he is beautiful person and he will not hurt you. You open your heart.

You let him in. It feels better that you could even imagine. It cannot be described with words. It cannot be repeated. It is like starting to live. To being born again, and to say: eyyyy, I did not know that life can be so beautiful. I did not know.

And the first time you have sex. It is unbelievable. Like fireworks in New Years Eve

multiplied by 1000. You are afraid, you are not very experienced. At the end of the day you had sex just a few times before. Probably you could count it with fingers from one hand. And it was quick and with no pleasure at all.

This time it is amazing. It is different. He is so gentle, so carrying, so wanting you. He looks at you with so much love and with so much desire that you are coming just with that. The first time in your life you feel that sex is a beautiful thing. Like the union of two energies that were looking for each other for so long. It is like satisfying you deepest desires. Like joining in one with him. I understand why it never happened before. You never loved before. And you never trusted before.

When I am remembering that I am shaking. He - wanting me badly. He - undressing me impatiently. He - kissing me in the way that I am exploding. From that first time I know that I am his. His. I adore his kisses. I learn his body by hard. Every little piece, every little pickle, every little bit of Harry. I taste him, he tastes me. I am letting him in. It is amazing.