"What shall we use to fill the empty spaces,
where we used to talk?
How shall I fill the final places?
How shall I complete the wall?..." PF
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Now I am coming back to the moment that you told me to disappear,the january 13th, Sunday, and it brakes my heart again. I can remember every single word, I can still hear the tone of you voice.
And there it goes again, the panic, the fear, the lost, the disagree, the desperation, the pain, such a pain. It´s hard to describe, beacuse no words can explain how does it feel.Then it comes emptyness. Black, I don´t remember that night, I was not sleeping, I wanted to catch a plane and go to see you.No matter what, just to see you. To look into your eyes. Even if it was only for hear the same thing, but straight into my face, to be sure you really think that, you really want to erase me.Maybe that would be better. I loset my mind, I don´t know what is right , what is wrong, what is the truth and what´s a lie. All my believes are gone. And you did not even had a slightest doubt about what you said. Or it seems you didn´t.
I don´t know mi, I still don´t understand. Sometimes I think that all that was to get rid of me,because you knew it was the only way. Sometimes I think you couldn´t have done smth. like that.
Sometimes I know, there´s nothing I can be sure about. Because you were the only one who was making me feel safe. But I guess that was only my imagination. I wanted to see you like that. Misiu, I don´t know anything. I am so lost.
I don´t even know how are you, what you doing. If you ok. I am going crazy thinking that you not good, and I am not there just to tell you that I love you and everything is going to be Ok. You are constantly in my dreams. On my mind.I don,t know why it had to be like that.Why you were the best that had happened and than you killed me with the biggest cruelty. Was I so unsoportable.? So hard to stand.?
Maybe you already forget erything. Good for you.
But I can´t. The fact that you left me without a chance to talk doesn´t let me forget. I will not forget until I know that you understand what the truth is, or until I know that I was such a pain for you you needed to treat me like this.
I will not let go. It´s slowly killing me, I keep remembering all over and over again. I remember every bloody detail of everything. I wish I did not.But I can´t just go on, you still my mi. My mi.
I guess I see you next lifetime.
The only thing which still keeps me alive is the fact that I know that one day you will know the truth. All the truth, with noone and nothing in between.
And there it goes again, the panic, the fear, the lost, the disagree, the desperation, the pain, such a pain. It´s hard to describe, beacuse no words can explain how does it feel.Then it comes emptyness. Black, I don´t remember that night, I was not sleeping, I wanted to catch a plane and go to see you.No matter what, just to see you. To look into your eyes. Even if it was only for hear the same thing, but straight into my face, to be sure you really think that, you really want to erase me.Maybe that would be better. I loset my mind, I don´t know what is right , what is wrong, what is the truth and what´s a lie. All my believes are gone. And you did not even had a slightest doubt about what you said. Or it seems you didn´t.
I don´t know mi, I still don´t understand. Sometimes I think that all that was to get rid of me,because you knew it was the only way. Sometimes I think you couldn´t have done smth. like that.
Sometimes I know, there´s nothing I can be sure about. Because you were the only one who was making me feel safe. But I guess that was only my imagination. I wanted to see you like that. Misiu, I don´t know anything. I am so lost.
I don´t even know how are you, what you doing. If you ok. I am going crazy thinking that you not good, and I am not there just to tell you that I love you and everything is going to be Ok. You are constantly in my dreams. On my mind.I don,t know why it had to be like that.Why you were the best that had happened and than you killed me with the biggest cruelty. Was I so unsoportable.? So hard to stand.?
Maybe you already forget erything. Good for you.
But I can´t. The fact that you left me without a chance to talk doesn´t let me forget. I will not forget until I know that you understand what the truth is, or until I know that I was such a pain for you you needed to treat me like this.
I will not let go. It´s slowly killing me, I keep remembering all over and over again. I remember every bloody detail of everything. I wish I did not.But I can´t just go on, you still my mi. My mi.
I guess I see you next lifetime.
The only thing which still keeps me alive is the fact that I know that one day you will know the truth. All the truth, with noone and nothing in between.
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