How is it possible?
People come and people go. It’s amazing that someone who you have never met before can become the most important person in your life, and take away this constant feeling of loneliness. Just like the world have never existed before you met him. You find out that it lasts just a little while until you wake up one morning and realize that it is already a past. No matter what you do.
How sad, how tragic and how romantically beautiful it seems. The more you love him, the more it hurts and the more you miss him when he’s not you every day reality any more.
You feel like dying, you feel empty; you feel the nonsense of existence, the nonsense of trust, the nonsense of the truth. You find yourself obsessed with little memories; you crave for the slightest proof of him still loving you, you killing yourself with pictures, songs and smells that bring him back to your life. You are analyzing, you are mentalizing , you are making yourself crazy. And you feel like ….hungry, but the only way you may change it is him. Everything looses its taste.
It is like waking up from a dream and facing the cruel reality, it is like coming back home after a funeral and trying to pretend that nothing happened.
And there it comes again:
You see his eyes for the first time, and you feel like a tremendous thunder is hitting you in this particular moment. Your first thought: “holly shit, amazing”, your second thought: “I want to see these eyes every day, every hour, every moment”, and the third: “come on girl, why would he be interested in you”? You smile, you try to be natural, but nothing can change the fact you are already crazy for him. You can’t look at him; you just can’t because if you do you will not be able to stop drowning into his look. With one way ticket. His look that seems to be so familiar, and makes you feel the butterflies flying like crazy all over your body. From this moment every night is his, you wake up remembering his eyes and you fly through the day awaiting the next chance to see him.
And there it comes. You stay alone just for a while and you find yourself not being able to say a single thing. Your heart is beating so fast that you almost sure he can hear it.
You feel like the whole world stopped, nothing exists. It is just you and his eyes. He says something but you can’t hear either. You see his lips, and you dream about tasting them. You die to touch him, you wish this moment never finished.
After he leaves you stay paralyzed and when you read the message from him, you almost get a heart attack.
There you meet for the first time, alone, face to face. Lip to lip. You think: how the hell am I going to wait so many hours until the time of the date. It is impossible for me to stand that .Help. You go to work, you don’t do a shit there, and about three hours before you meet your heart goes crazy again. You have to calm down because if not you will not be able to meet anyone.
You meet. You start talking like crazy, not to let him recognize you nervous like a little girl. It is new, so new you never felt it before, and you don’t know how to act, what to do, how to control it. You don’t know yet that you should not control it at all.
You just go to supermarket to buy some food and you go straight to his place. HIS PLACE. And where is the reasonable
He cooks. You want to help, but than you find yourself completely not able to do anything. You focused on him, pretending that all of this is not affecting you at all. That you are calm, that you are easy. You can’t stop talking; you empty the bottle of wine. You eat and you feel like every little bit of the food was growing in your stomach. Not that he cannot cook, just the opposite: it is delicious. After, he plays piano. He plays piano, and you know that it is just a little beat of what he is able to do. You feel like entering the magical world. His world. You sit on his lap, because there is only one chair. And he kisses you. First with a certain shyness, examining your reaction. But God Heavens the way he kisses you, it’s the perfect way. Like he would read your mind, like he would knew you desires. The world changes. For ever. You fall in love in his eyes in his lips in his gentle touch. You are afraid; you have been hurt so many times before.
But you kiss until you get the kick from your own brain that you should get lost now. You kiss and kiss and you are boiling inside. When you find yourself lying on his bed, you get afraid. But his lips, his lips ,his kisses and his lips. He walks you home and you don’t stop kissing. It’s freezing cold and you don’t feel it. His lips his lips his voice.
You feel like dancing. You cannot stop kissing and you don’t want to let him go, as if you were afraid it is a dream and you will not see him again. Because it is like a dream. The most beautiful dream you have ever have.
You cannot explain love. It’s like a magnetic power, incontrollable energy. Overwhelming. The most beautiful thing in life. It is divine. You adore the smile, you adore the look, the sound of his voice, you adore the smell of his skin. You feel that you were waiting all of your life just for him. And all the suffering before was worth it. Just for him.
Some of the people keeps falling in love every 15 minutes, I don’t. It is very hard for me to let someone get so close. And noone ever got so close. Just him. I know I will never feel it again. I have found him, my honey, my sunshine, my maid, my friend, my family , my boy, my little boy. It is eternal, I always used to repeat that no matter what happen nothing can change the way I feel. Now I know that it is true. No matter what. How strong and ridiculous it is. I love him forever.
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