Meeeeen it´s just to cheer me up

Ujjjjjjjjj, what a shit mood I have today............being alone in a new place not knowing anyone but knownig that soon it´s going to be the reality.That the cowmate of yours is going away, far far far far far and you will not see this ray of light of yours for a looooooooooooooooooooooooooong time or maybe you will not see him again. And moreover realizing that this is THIS cowmate, although it seems you´re not for each other. It hurts so much that even the chocolate lost it´s flavour.It makes you feel naked, lost, forgotten and so powerless at the same time. Crying doesn´t help at all, except that you eyes get swallen so much that you cannot see anything.
And you feel even more hopeless, which is taking all of the strenght from you.And how to stop it?.The only way I see is to hit your own head with a hammer, praying that after getting back conciousness you will not remember anything.
And you ask yourelf the question, why you´re for ***sake have to alone the moment you really need someone.
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON I keep repeating to myself with every single mooooo
but
THE BIG LOVE COMES ONLY ONCE IN A LIFETIME
El Amor grande solo viene una vez en la vida.
Wielka milosc przydarza sie tylko raz w zyciu.
all of the others will never be that strong
I know i cannot be a chicken, i´m a cow but ...QUE PUTADA and KURWA